Emily Williams Column

Published 12:00 am Friday, May 11, 2007

‘Mama ain’t happy …’ gains new dimension for mother-to-be

By Emily Williams

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With Mother’s Day around the corner, I realize that, along with the rewards, being a mother can have its trials.

The secret is out. I am expecting a baby.

Not only are my hormones going crazy, but so am I.

I have lost my cell phone every day, my purse, my can opener (long story), my check book, and my memory along with many other things. I don’t know what has happened to my brain, but it obviously doesn’t work.

I forget everything! And things are happening that I just can’t explain.

I woke up the other day and thought, “My hair sure feels greasy.”

I got in the tub and felt a gob of something in the back of my hair.

“What is that?” I thought.

I looked at my hand and it looked like lotion. I washed my hair with three different shampoos, 15 different times, and still couldn’t get the mysterious substance out of my hair.

As I walked into the bedroom to find clothes that might fit, I noticed a jar of cocoa butter lying on the bed.

All you expecting mothers, you know exactly what cocoa butter is; it helps mommy’s body as it stretches to its limits.

So I tied my hair in a low pony tail and put on a head band and went to work.

My poor fellow employees had to hear all about my traumatic ordeal.

“It’s your hormones!” a co-worker said.

I must mention that my co-workers have been very supportive with my quirky emotions.

On my lunch break, I went to the house of a friend who is also expecting. She washed my hair with Dawn dishwashing liquid, liquid laundry detergent and to top it all, shampoo with a dash of rubbing alcohol in it.

After several attempts, the cocoa butter was still there.

“Next time put the cocoa butter on your thighs and not your hair,” my friend suggested.

So, with my greasy hair, widening hips, morning sickness and complete loss of memory, I have come to the conclusion, “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”