Subject : FW: What Bait do you use to lure legislators?

Last fall, I sat on my patio and listened to the dulcet tones of Bob Norris and the Honorable Judge George Carlson as they broadcast another in a long line of South Panola football victories.

To make sure I took my game outside, my wife made a couple of sandwiches to go with an apple and a large soft drink. A couple of hours later and SPHS had another victory in the bag (note the hunting metaphor) as I cleaned up the patio in the cool darkness of another of those memorable Mississippi football Friday nights.

The next morning I looked out the window and saw a chipmunk nibbling on the remains of the apple core that had been, apparently, dropped in my zeal to get inside to listen to the scores on the TV sports shows.

I have chipmunks in my front yard azalea bushes, chipmunks in the hedges in the backyard, chipmunks who live under the concrete patio slab. Chipmunks are everywhere.

Here is my offer: I’ll give a private license to hunt chipmonks on my land (.25 acre with big trees you can use for your stand) but you have to bring your own apple core along with your own .300 Winchester Mag.

You probably won’t have to wait very long for that first kill. Chipmunks love apple cores. In the stand at 6:30 and out by 7:15 with the pelts of five (the bag limit) of those wily, quick, and almost impossible to shoot little critters…unless they are standing still while eating left-over apple cores.

I have doubts that the local paper will put your picture in the paper but I will take a Polaroid picture that you can put on the sun visor of your truck.

I’ll even give you a digital picture that you can show your friend on your 42″ big screen TV.

Oh, by the way, to all of you duly elected state senators and representatives…I want to thank you for using the entire legislative session to make it easier to control the wildlife population in my neck of the woods. Next year I want to see legislation that will allow me to do something about all of those squirrels that run around on the roof of my house.

By the way, my neighbor’s kid dropped out of school to train for the coming  hunting season. From what is reported in the news, there are a lot of kids in Mississippi preparing for next fall because Mississippi has the highest public school drop-out rate in the country. But let’s not address that problem in the Legislature until 2012 because I want to get those squirrels. Now what did I do with that bag of corn I was going to put in my yard?
(Contact Bobby Blair at fisnlawyr@aol.com)