Opinion – 4/7/2006

Published 12:00 am Friday, April 7, 2006

The Panolian: OPINIONS

 From the 4/7/06 issue of The Panolian :                 

Computer man unimpressed, even with loss of 21 pounds

I’m a loser, but you already knew that didn’t you? Seriously though, I have lost 21 pounds as of the first of April. Now I’m not braggin’ but Honestly, I didn’t think I had it in me to complete this project. I certainly didn’t think I would reach my goal two months ahead of the schedule I set for myself.

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I have always been a starter but never much of a finisher. Other than my marriage and my job, I have pretty much been like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower.

I became pretty single-minded about this early on though. My competitive spirit boosted me at the gym. I couldn’t let all those people make me look bad now could I? As I whined and complained, suffered and swore to myself each day I began to triumph. I didn’t think I was getting anywhere fast enough walking on the treadmill, so I started to run a little. (I had doubted I could run even if there was someone with a big stick chasing me.)

I increased my weight lifting for my upper arms or biceps as dear Don would rather me say. I started to develop a little muscle or at least some toning. I am still working on those pesky upper arm "wings" also known as triceps, that flap like I’m taking off for a flight to Cincinnati when I wave.

I have lost two dress sizes, which means all my clothes are now too big. But I’m not shopping just yet, just tailoring the things that I really need.

I initially lost weight in my face, which was not my intended target. Later on I began to lose in the areas I was targeting. You know those areas.

I have now decided to try for nine more pounds by June 1. This will give me a 30-pound total loss within six months and a weight I can live with. I think.

Dear Don promised to take me dancing if I reached my original goal. That promise was made I’m sure because he didn’t think I could do it any more than I did. We will be on vacation next week and I expect he will make good on that promise. If I don’t throw something out of joint or break a leg it should be lots of fun and as a bonus burn more calories.

Next I need to invest in some good sticky tape or a bag of clothespins to help hold up the saggy skin that is a result of the deflating process. But that’s enough about that.

Several people have told me that I look taller. Gee, I wish I’d given thought before to try and lengthen my vertical instead of narrow my horizontal.

Now I just need to check back with that rude man in the computer who keeps telling me I’m OBESE for my height and weight and who started this whole crazy exercise in self-restraint. I desperately want him to see me in a different light. We have a strange relationship this anonymous fellow and I. He doesn’t know me and resorts to name-calling and I have never laid eyes on him and I want so much to please him. I think, though, that he fails to take into consideration other variables that go into one’s physique, like head, ear and nose size, those annoying big bones and even whether you have a head full of heavy hair. It all seems to be black and white with mean-spirited, computer man and I’m a whole lot of gray. I guess his mother never taught him not to call names.

But unfortunately, for whatever weird reasoning of mine, HE is the one I’m trying to impress.

On a footnote, Don has lost 11 pounds to date and the cranky computer man seems to like dear Don and as a result is a little kinder towards him.

Why am I not surprised?

You get the picture?

(Contact Sherry Hopkins at swhcsc@cableone.net)



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