Floating naked is getting expensive

Published 7:30 am Thursday, June 9, 2022

By Ricky Swindle

Muffler Shop Musings

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We have a hole in our backyard. It is 18 feet wide, 46 feet long and 9 feet deep on one end. 

It has a diving board and a water slide and it is quite pricey to keep that water crystal clear and free of contaminants.

I was talked into, or conned, by my wedding partner 15 years ago that this massive concrete pond would be the greatest thing ever for our backyard. We could relax, float and have little sippy drinks just like the rich folks do. 

And for exercise – there is no greater form of staying in shape and improving our health than doing a few laps in the pool.

 So, as working folks do, we financed a hole to be dug outside our back door just like you would finance a car. We made pool payments for a few years, and for several seasons following all we had to do was pay for chemicals to keep that big crater pretty blue.

My spouse worked night shift with Air Evac for a decade flying around in a helicopter delivering her medical expertise on demand, and it freed her up to take proper care of the blue gorge on her days off. 

I was personally not allowed to add, take away, or move any handle or knob on the apparatu. That suited me just fine and dandy.

We had to have a place for guests to change clothes and use the restroom so that’s when The DewDrop Inn came into being. A small backyard building that is equipped with all the bells and whistles that most any man married or single desires. 

Over the years it has turned into the envy of every male that has stepped inside to marvel at the man cave paradise I have created for myself on the backside of our yard.  

Then we began having the greatest thing that ever happened to us start coming in the world – GrandHeathens. Those GrandHeathens love that pool and although it basically is a money pit that steadily sucks $100 dollar bills out of your pocket.

If you have a pool, you will see your GrandHeathens because they are coming!

I may get in that pool a couple times all year. I spend most all my time sitting and watching the kids from under the patio that we had built, because if you have a pool, you’ve got to have a covered patio also.

We’ve had all sorts of unwelcome guests in our pool, too. When you have a nice, cool body of water in the middle of the country, it tends to attract less than desirable species.

I’ve sent quite a few snakes to snake heaven, tossed turtles and frogs over the fence. 

I forgot about the fence. If you have a pool, your insurance company requires you to fence it in for liability purposes. Hey, money ain’t nothing but green paper when it comes to having a blue lagoon in your backyard.

My little hen at home likes to cut off all the outdoor lights at night and float around alone in her birthday suit. That was all fine and well until the night a old armadillo splashed in there with her to join in with the skinny dipping. 

That full panic scream and me turning the light on to see what the fuss was all about will be forever humorously embedded in my mind. “Is that you Ethel?  You git your clothes on!”

Get you a pool they said. It will be fun, they said. They were right, it is fun. The money woes go away the minute one of my Fab 5 GrandHeathens splash in that pool. The spent dollars never cross my mind at that point.  

Here’s a handy tip for pool owners and I’ll throw a little plug to some friends of mine: Ace Hardware in Batesville will test your pool water for free. Just get a few ounces out, take it to them and they will tell you exactly the ounce of chemicals you need for your pool. 

They sell chemicals also and it will be mighty decent of you to purchase from them instead of online or somewhere else. Ain’t no internet folks going to check your pool water for free, so keep that in mind. Support local folks every chance you get.

Take care of yourself folks and if you visit a friend or relatives pool, pick up behind yourself. They have a lot invested for you to enjoy.