Sherry Hopkins Column 5/22/2015

Published 12:00 am Friday, May 22, 2015

Sherry Hopkins

Phone solicitor no match as oxygenated blood moves into brain

Seex over Seex
It was an all round good day at Plum Point except for a few snags. Humidity was very high for a May day but there was yard work that needed my attention. A heavy rain and wind storm had caused limbs and branches to litter the yard. I couldn’t stand it another minute.

I grabbed my rake and started in the far corner raking and picking up as I went.

By the time I got to the worst part I was hot, sweaty and pooped. As I raked under the massive old oaks I saw lots of perfectly round holes where the cicadas had emerged just 10 days ago.
I was really tired at this point and obviously my oxygen level was waning, causing my brain to be a little starved for rich blood.

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As I continued to rake I thought about plugging all those little holes with marshmallows so the cicadas could not go back “home.” I have no idea why I would even come up with such a thought.

Dear Don later informed me that the cicadas would not have used the same holes to burrow back in the ground that their parents had used to emerge. Gosh, I hate when my plans don’t work out.

I finished up the chores, cleaned up and headed inside. I rambled over to my favorite chair and sat under the ceiling fan to cool off a moment.

I remembered I had popsicles in the freezer and I went to get one, anticipating that it would cool me inside as well as out.

I unwrapped the popsicle and put it to my lips. Aaaaah, so good. Then I tried to pull it away and it was stuck….stuck hard…..stuck really hard. I tugged and pulled and nothing happened.
How, why, are you kidding me?

I rushed back to the kitchen and with my head over the sink I poured a large glass of water over my head until I became unstuck. The skin on my lips was torn by this time and bleeding. Uh, wasn’t this something I had learned by age 10 not to do?

Must be that lack of oxygen to my brain. Good thing Dear Don wasn’t home. Quite possible I would never live this down. Chalk up another moronic moment for me!

As I retreated back to the comfort and coolness of the den the phone rang. Caller ID showed, “caller unknown.” But I know that means someone is asking for something, trying to sell me something or wanting to scam me.

I was in a strange mood as oxygenated blood started to move back to my brain so I answered, “Hello.”

“Yes, may I speak to Sheddy Hopkins?” the caller asked. “I’m Sheddy Hopkins,” I declared.
“Yes,” the young man said, “My name is Pareesh and I’m calling about windows.”
“OK, what did you want to know?” I prodded.

“Do you have windows?” the unsuspecting youngster asked in his heavily-accented native tongue.

“Yes as a matter of fact I have 23 windows.”

“You have 23 windows?” he asked with wonder.

“I do have 23 windows,” I repeated.

“What version of windows do you have?” he continued.

I was well aware that he was talking about Microsoft Windows but decided to string him along, because, well, because the blood was still trying to get to my brain.

“What version of windows do you have?” he continued.

“Oh Pareesh, I couldn’t begin to tell you. My house is old and these windows have been in for a long time. I can tell you that in America we call them six over six.”

“ Seex over seex?” Pareesh asked, not understanding.

“Yes, seex over seex.”

“ I do not understand, Ms. Sheddy the seex over seex windows of 23.”

“Well Pareesh, I’m 63 years old and that’s all I got for ya,” I explained.

Pareesh, who had been so polite as I drug him along on a prank of my own, hung up on me without so much as a goodbye or have a nice day, old lady.

I suspect that Pareesh doesn’t understand that the DO NOT CALL list is to protect him from crazy old people with too much time on their hands like me.

Now if I can just field a call from somebody trying to sell me a septic tank.
Stay tuned.