Ricky Harpole 12/25/2014

Published 12:00 am Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Multiple mishaps aggravate curmudgeonry

Sometimes you have hectic days. You have a flat tire and you’re already late. Or maybe there is the possibility of a 1994-grade ice storm on the bucket list and the new–brand new–chainsaw won’t start. Or the kids are suffering from some school-instigated virus and the old lady is discombobulated in the communal comfort station.

 Your best coonhound crossed the track and got himself introduced first hand, head, tail and guts and all, to an Illinois Central freight train.

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You break two strings on a brand new banjo just as you are getting it figured out. Your wife left you on an account of the mis-chorded banjo.

Your horse pitched you off in a gully in Tallahatchie County on account of a confused Copperhead. You are lucky  enough to have avoided the saddle horn but you are on the ground with a superbly ticked off snake. The Winchester rifle left with the horse when he went home. I would have given the rifle to the over-banjoed neighbors if they had just confiscated the Winchester and shot the horse, and I would invite the snake to breakfast for a redneck feast.

Life don’t always turn out like you have in mind. The shotgun was empty; the main pistol was in the wrong pocket; I was out of ramen noodles. The firewood was too green to burn and the damn dog bit me on account of another busted banjo string.

I have a lot to be thankful for, but today ain’t one of them. Y’all have a happy Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas and expect a crappy New Year.

 Burnt out by the season.
Ricky Harpole
(Contact Ricky Harpole at www.facebook.com/harpolive or www.colespointrecords.com)