Ricky Harpole 12-11-12

Published 12:00 am Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Wild beasts might have hunter on menu

Well, it’s the season for wild game and, while meat is meat, it’s a proven fact that any critter that is smart enough to feed itself off the land has a better flavor than some poor ole penned up varmint that is too stupid to root up or pillage for its own groceries and will make for a poorer meal. The other brood, while providing a more tasteful meal, is subject to have the hunter on “their” menu.

Bears, wild hogs, wolverines, coyotes, in a pack and anything else susceptible to rabies, should be carefully considered before being deemed “pot material.”

Now myself, being half blind, wrote off precision long range rifles in favor of scatter barrel shot guns and heavy revolving pistols because they are more tolerant of a poor aim at close range at which point the  menu for Christmas dinner might change in favor of the bear or the hog. I’ve met a few and under shootin’ circumstances, they don’t have anything approaching a Christian religion, so they would gladly eat you on the 25th of December and not even say “thanks” for the feast.

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I have written and experienced all of the above at one point or another. I once improperly loaded an antique Remington Cap and Ball Revolver and had to use it to defend myself from a feral hog which was trying to root up the tree I had climbed to escape her. Even though it was loaded “bass akwards” it got the job done on the pig, but unfortunately got a pretty fair job done on my right hand as well when it blew itself apart while I was holding it. They probably teach  a course on misadventure and misdemeanor on such situations in hand grenade school, but it must have “played hookey” that day or forgot something.

Another thing to remember when you go into the woods in December, just because it’s winter here them old Timber rattlers are fattening up for the real weather and like to lie in the sun even on a fairly brisk day and also your wives seem to get a little meaner when you spend too much time hangin’ out at the camp too often, so step lightly around them too because some of them have a worse bite than the snake.

Be careful in the woods,