It ain’t necessarily a Mississippi accent that causes most of my problems unless I’m talking to a recording on the cell phone (a curse as well as a blessing), but I’ll be blessed if I can figure out anything to say about the recording or the service that would be printable in a family newspaper.

Somehow them heathens get your phone number and aggravate all the religion out of you. Then when they’ve got you woke up they put you on hold so you can listen to elevator music while you either give up on the opportunity to cuss out a real live person or turn off the phone. Considering my age and general health and the fact that my sins have given me a conscience problem, I only get about four hours of sleep out of 24. That four hours is their favorite time of assault.

Now back in the Neanderthal days of my youth and prime, people conversed by direct voice contact or by letter or postcard via pony express or rail mail.

Of course it took a little longer but people had less to say and it was usually more important or at least interesting.

The point I’m trying to make is the U.S. Postal system is probably a better bet than a cell phone with texting capabilities. There are more wrecks caused by driving texters than drunk drivers according to one survey.

It was suggested that that particular survey was conducted by drunk drivers who’d been run over by texting drivers, but there are all kind of opinions voiced at Moccasin Bend.

The inspiration for this column was strengthened by a phone call that almost interrupted my train of thought when I got recorded incoming messages from some Yankee which was trying to sell me some insurance at a cheaper rate. I hung on til I got a real live representative of the company.

I informed that person that I would not discuss their proposition until I found out how they got my personal phone number. She hemmed and hummed and hawed but I wouldn’t back down. She finally copped to the fact that a referral company gave them my number but wouldn’t give the name of the provider so among other statements I made (unprintable), I advised her to remove my number from her list since I don’t even own a mule that is worth insuring much less a car listed in their blue book.

My backside is pretty much chapped that some company is invading my privacy as well as my infrequent rest periods and selling my personal information to some bunch of scammers and scoundrels for a profit while I’m living on nitroglycerin and beans.

Invasion of privacy used to be a crime, and ought to still be. Whoever these interfering pirates are should be outlawed given a fair trial and hung in front of their lawyers’ office before I lose any more of my soft-earned rest and revert to postage stamps.

If you are having a similar problem with these (unprintable) call your congressman and raise a little cain or pitch your phone in the fartherest ditch you can find from your house so you won’t hear it ring because it’s a never-ending pain in the aggravation department otherwise.

Two cans and a string still work,
Ricky Harpole

(Contact Harpole at www.facebook.com/harpolive or www.colespointrecords.com)