Ricky Harpole column

Published 12:00 am Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Other pastures grow greener as ex-wives, bill collectors and other vectors thicken

By heaven, ‘tis the season of the creepy crawlers. Ticks, chiggers, fleas, mad dogs and mad ex-wives and frustrated bill collectors and other blood suckers of a political nature.

I’m thinking of breaking camp and going back to Central America where all I have to worry about are honest pirates and dictators and a personally owned machine gun which is a family heirloom. (Back in the day, every household contained two machetes for every member of the family plus one spare on the porch in case a neighbor had a problem).

A few extra snakes that are extremely venomous must also be taken  into account.

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The pirates and warriors are the least of our worries. They can be negotiated with. The rum is cheap, the rules are loose, the senoritas are friendly, taxes are like senoritas, and as long as you avoid the drug cartels and the smuggling trade, you can’t hardly get in any trouble.

The tourist industry is big now and I think a company with a user-friendly 60 ft. boat and a float plane could make an honest living there.

I have neither of those luxuries, but I do have commodities in the form of two like-minded former “partners” in crime who take similar views on inflated alcohol prices, manipulated gas bills, un-bribeable crooked politicians and insane ex-wives.

They have boats and planes and don’t feel strange in strange places. The aerial views are awesome over the land and sea. The water is clear and, except for an occasional sand shark or hammerhead, safe to swim in.

You can acquire a passport application at your local post office or a Z license through the Merchant Marine Service, but that would mean you’d have to actually work on a boat.

I personally recommend the passport option ‘cause I’m old and lazy and never cared much for work in the first place.

We know all the proper safety procedures on air or sea and could use your patronage in our project.

Come a’ callin’ Y’all,
or contact me
Ricky Harpole
(Contact Harpole at www.facebook.com/harpolive or www.colespointrecords.com)