Rupert Howell column

Published 12:00 am Friday, July 15, 2011

A royal family: why, and how to finance, select U.S. royals

The U. S. needs some royalty.

The hoopla surrounding Prince William’s and wife Kate’s visit to Canada and California affirms that Americans are enamored with British royalty.

We don’t have royalty. We have movie stars, politicians and athletes.

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English royals have created  tasty tidbits of gossip for us to digest for centuries, but their function does offer many positives.

Besides being fodder for tabloid journalism they serve as ambassadors of goodwill throughout the world. Through their celebrity status, millions if not billions are raised for worthy charitable causes.

The royals also offer a bit of continuity to the country’s phyche. Politicians come and go. Royalty is there for life and then passes to the heir apparent. Very few variables there. We know who is going to be what, we just don’t know exactly when.

The royals also lead the nation in times of celebration and tragedy.  

It’s comforting to know  the royals have similar feelings of excitement and sadness and will issue a classy statement that may well sum up the feelings we’re all trying to express.

They also set the moral standard. Lord knows we need someone doing that. Since the 1960s it seems as if moral compasses have turned inside-out. But the loyal royals have maintained their tradition of high morals by setting the bar high for those who want to know how to act.

As an adolescent, our son questioned why he was forced to make up his bed daily.

“Because the Queen or Annie-Glenn (my mother) my drop by,” was my refrain.

In a nation where one previous president lied before all the world saying “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” we really need someone of high moral standing leading by example.

Not that the royals are perfect or without flaws and haven’t had their own scandals. It also costs a lot of money to support them.

My plan favors supporting the U.S. royals with a national lottery. That way, if you don’t want to support them, don’t buy a ticket. Use half to support the royals and  their charitable causes. Use the other half to make a few raffle winners rich or spend more on worthy causes.

I’m stumped when it comes to who would be the first U.S. royal. It’s like trying to have a chicken without an egg.

Maybe the country’s first family of football, the Manning family,  could fill the spot. They’ve got moral thing down, know how to act and exude class. The family would probably get the backing of the Southeast, New York and Indiana.

“How ‘bout a spot o’ tea, King Arch?”