Harpole Column

Published 12:00 am Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Truth emerges after smoke clears

The arthritis has gone past the redline.

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Recently weather changes have caught up with my fingers as well as my entertaining and lying ability. That’s my excuse anyway.

Now there is a difference between an excuse and a reason. Believe it or not, there is a balance point among lies, excuses and reasons. Allow me to present these three categories of human behavior. (They are real doozies and can be applied to politics!)

Excuses, by definition, consist of providing questionable possible “reasons” for unaccountable miscreant action. Usually an excuse must be accompanied by a lie.

Consider your young and heretofore innocent granddaughter (or grandson) saying, “I didn’t know what would happen, but ‘Uncle Bud’ tol me you could teach a mule to dance if you could find a microwave oven to herd him in to.” (This is the excuse.)

And then she begins the lie.

“I know a mule can’t be herded at all and it would take a really big microwave to put it to the test,” she elaborated, “so to scale things up or down to fit the resources I had available to test Uncle Bud’s theory of mules and microwaves I came up with the next best thing and that is why the kitchen smells like burned cat hair.”

Well, that sounds reasonable to me. Excuse, lie, reason. There you have it. Almost.

The fourth part to consider is the truth.

Excuse — to avoid the bust.

Lie — to provide a prop to support the these excuse.

Reason — a target for the excuse and lie.

Truth — At last, but it seldom comes into play.

The truth being she didn’t like that particular cat and doesn’t like microwaveable foods in general. Those may be perceived by some as prejudices and others as an expedient way to solve a cat problem. The beast in question was a Christmas-oriented creature that made unsolicited mews, mowls and howls.

The shut-off switch was busted and it took a d#^!*d screw driver of a peculiar type to discombobulate the power source from the aggravating racket source and kill that cat for good. And good riddance.

Resting in Peace

Ricky Harpole