Sherry Hopkins Column
Published 12:00 am Friday, July 13, 2007
Sherry, Dear Don announce co-candidacy for highest office
Okay, you might want to sit down for this one.
Dear Don and I are thinking about running for office, a really BIG OFFICE. We think we might just make good candidates for the office of the President. The President of the United Sates of America (you know the Homeland?)
We think that perhaps we should go in as co-presidents. One not having more authority than the other, of course.
Mr. President and Madam President, has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
It all started on the front porch many Saturdays ago. We solve all the world’s problems on the big front porch.
One pot of hot black coffee, a sunrise and the glider and we can fix just about anything.
Also we both took civics in high school so we know how the government is supposed to work.
We are both natural born citizens of the United States (Homeland), the correct age (and beyond), and have lived in this country for at least if not more than the required fourteen years.
Another qualification I might insert here is that Dear Don says I think I know everything. Surely knowing so much has got to be a plus in this job. Although I’m not too sure he meant it in the way I took it.
I do know a lot. I know a ton of insignificant stuff that doesn’t matter a hill of beans to anyone but me and Alex Trebek of Jeopardy fame. And when dear Don accuses me of being a “know it all” I counter sweetly with, “I don’t claim to know everything, I only know everything I need to know.”
He’s not too crazy about my way of thinking.
So back to public office. We have discussed famine and wars and immigration and health care. We discuss amnesty and pardons and the shrinking middle class. We debate abortion and homosexuality and discrimination. We often ask one another the age old question, “What would Jesus do?” All we know for sure on that subject this side of Heaven is that He would certainly do the fair thing, the right thing.
We would like to think that when we were voted into the highest political office in the land that we would be smart and savvy, discerning and non-judgmental. We would certainly have a sense of humor and thick skin.
So, what else does the job require? How would we handle internal disputes ya’ think?
Probably the same way we do now. Dear Don pleads his case and I ignore him. I plead mine to him and he laughs. But then we could always sit on the porch and rock, drink coffee and watch the sunrise while weighing in on the country’s problems, solving everything in a neat tidy way while laughing and ignoring one another personally.
When it comes election time think about writing us in for the high office. We don’t have any campaign money and we aren’t subject to call on ya’ unless you ask us to. We promise to take all your complaints and either laugh at em or ignore them. Sorta’ like how things are done now don’t ya’ think?
You get the picture.
(Contact Sherry at firstname.lastname@example.org)