Ricky Harpole column

Published 12:00 am Friday, October 15, 2010

Harpole contemplates duct tape, that great multi-tasker

Not too long ago I pointed out to the uninitiated the far going uses of a newspaper beyond its information factor. If anybody has any other uses that I overlooked send them to: harpo@colespointrecords.net

Believe it or not I have found an equally valuable overlooked commodity in the duct tape industry. I have cataloged far more uses myself than I can list in this column, but here are a few of the especially creative ones I have heard of:

1.You can build a cardboard glider, using duct tape for your children or grandchildren to keep them occupied while you enjoy a peaceful nervous breakdown. Or you can..

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2. Temporarily repair a ruptured radiator hose after the engine is cool and the pressure has equalized. (Temporarily in this case means the closest qualified mechanic).

3. Wrap a 12’’ section around your body parts for a few seconds and peel it off to remove ticks and chiggers if you are at a place like Moccasin Bend.

4. Patch a leaky screen to keep the *#@! (again, not Harpole’s chosen adjective) varmint out.

5. Children, you can patch a leaky boat if you beach it before it sinks, so you can find a different way to drown yourself.

6. You can write phone numbers on it and tape them to your wife or husband while they’re asleep and question where they came from, just to stir up trouble on a windy day when the fish don’t bite and everyone is bored.

7. You can seal an old refrigerator that you’re haulin’ to Martin Brothers scrap yard if someone left a dead catfish in it, so you can keep the coroner off your back until you get there to collect.

8. You can repair your buddy’s tent after he had nightmares and shot holes in it.

9. It is a proven tool in spousal snoring reduction (both genders) when properly applied.

10. And it is still useful in all that matters concerning duct work.

Now my most recent experience with duct tape concerned my son and nephew, a conversation I accidentally overheard.

Dialog as follows:

“Where is the duct tape, Ryan?”

“Becca has it reinforcing a baby crib. There ain’t much left after we reinstalled that three wheeler engine.”

“I don’t have it anymore. Nanna does. Her teeth got loose ‘cause her gums are shrinkin’”

 “Your daddy got it back for his hernia readjustment.”

“Well, I did have it but I gave the last of it to Cousin Kebo to fix that old crop duster he crashed last spring. And don’t go buggin’ him, because that job took it all. He promised to drop a few rolls off here the next time he flew over.”

Everybody seemed to be content knowing that Cousin Kebo is a man of his word and with all the faith we have in duct tape the delivery would arrive on time.

Wrapped up,
Ricky Harpole