I heard by word of semi-official gossip, that a tornado hit Crenshaw last Sunday. I called the Mayor’s office in an attempt to clarify the carnage.

It seemed that several businesses were trashed, including the local grocery store, where the meat lockers were disconnected. I was informed at that point that it was not a tornado but a really raged woman with retribution on her mind.

It would appear that that woman was “(very angry — not Harpole’s word — ed.)”

In the beginning she chose the grocery store, the store belonging to Sammy Duncan. After that hell raisin’ episode, not having attracted the attention of the constabulatory, she proceeded to the bank where she broke a few windows but did not enter. All of these episodes were within sight of the Crenshaw Police Department. Where were they?

Having still not stirred up the P.D., so she could be decently arrested, she proceeded to the sacred Snack Shack and wrecked it too. (Where we gonna get our burgers?)

Now as to geographics in the town of Crenshaw, the war zone went from North (at Sammy Duncan’s to south, Snack Shack). The bank and ‘cop shop’ are in the middle. So where were those policeman?

Crenshaw is a mile long from post to post, and the time was nearing noon.

 I would have thought she have been in church. And I would have to wonder where the cops were. After all, that much carnage should have attracted at least a miniscule amount of attention. There are no doughnut shops in Crenshaw (except for the closed and now wrecked Snack Shack). Where were those protectors of life and property?

I speculate. I stand for those boys in blue. However, a crazy woman with a hand full of rocks and an attitude is to be avoided until the steam of the moment has blown out.

I wouldn’t even consider accosting a mad woman, even under the cloak of authority, who would whack a Snack Shack and a bank in one night, especially if she was armed with lawn chairs and rocks and language on video. Dangit, (Again, Harpole’s first choice of wording was expletive, not exclamation) boy! You’d run too. I don’t blame anybody for holdin’ back under duress, badge or not.

I haven’t been able to get Mayor Barlow’s slant on the carnage but I’ll give him some good advice. Keep your head down and stay in church.

Ricky Harpole

(See more Ricky at Facebook.com/Harpoinms and youtube.com/freestateent.)