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Sherry Hopkins column

Get the picture? … by Sherry Hopkins

Apply peanut butter to nostril, carry compass and map

Things have been quite boring at the Hopkins’ household for some time now — even though I’ve come down off my soapbox and back to reality.

A couple of chuckles, though: Earlier this week a man came to my office to try and sell me on his service company. I knew him slightly because he had worked for us before in another capacity.

We small-talked about various and sundry things. When he came in I was in the middle of lunch and had a plate of apple slices and a bit of peanut butter. I slid my plate over behind my computer monitor when I saw the gentleman heading in my direction. We finished our talk and he bid me farewell.

As soon as he left I began to feel something on my nose. I whipped out the mirror I keep in my desk and ’lo and behold there on my nose and slightly coming out of one nostril was a glob of PEANUT BUTTER. I ran to the bathroom to wash it off, but of course the damage was now done. “Wonder what he thought,” I pondered as I scrubbed. He could have at least said something. But because the plate holding the offending glob was clean out of sight, I’m sure he was scared to even think what it might have been. I get in the worst jams sometimes.

Later that day after I got home I turned on the television. As soon as I got comfortable a message popped on my screen that said, “ Please change the batteries in your remote, now….quickly!”

It’s a little scary when your TV is telling you what to do, huh?  Next thing you know the vacuum cleaner will be saying, “Use me,” or my car saying, “Wash me.” I don’t like inanimate objects that are smarter than I am. Just don’t like it.

Also, Gabby, the lazy, good-for-nothing cat appeared to have caught a bird. I walked outside to sweep the porch and she was sitting there with one in her mouth. I chased her all over the yard with my broom trying to get her to let go of the thing. She finally did after I caught her on the backside with a good swat.

Then she gave me a look that said, “If you knew how much trouble I went to to get that bird you would have left me alone.”

I’m gonna get a bell to put around her neck so the birds have at least a fighting chance.

When I told Don what she had done he said, “That cat didn’t catch a bird, she woke up from a nap, yawned and one flew in her mouth.” Dear Don is still funny, don’t ya think?

A last note, for close to twenty years I have been leaving Plum Point before daylight on my ride to work. Each morning as I pass over the Interstate I look to my right looking south and dream of the coast. This makes my ride a little less stressful, I suppose.

Last week as I passed over that same Interstate it suddenly occurred to me that I wasn’t looking south at all, I have been looking north towards Batesville. It’s hard to be so directionally challenged, I certainly hope immediately upon my death there are clear roads signs and they say up, down left or right or I could wind up somewhere I don’t want to be.

You get the picture.
(Contact Sherry at sherryhopkins@bellsouth.net)