By Sherry Hopkins

Community Columnist

This story has practically written itself. It all started Thanksgiving morning. I would have cried but my mascara would run causing more vision problems than I already have. I would have  screamed, but that would only have increased the tension headache throbbing in my head. I could have simply walked away…..no wait, that was not on the option list.

What happened? A ridiculous amount of mishaps and mayhem along with worn out stuff and things including this absolutely worn out old chick.

Murphy the person famous for the old adage “What can go wrong will go wrong”, and the apt title Murphy’s Law has moved into our home. Uninvited I might add.

It began last month when he snuck in and caused my car to break down in two completely different areas on exactly the same day. Co-incidence? Nope it was Murphy. We were just naive and ascribed it to bad luck.

That no good, sniveling, conniving old cuss now had his feet firmly inside our humble abode and simply refused to leave.

Almost one month to the day and on Thanksgiving Day no less Murphy caused my oven to go out. And just as I had prepared a seven pound hen to bake that day. There was also a Pineapple Upside Down cake to bake as well. This happened as I merrily sang Christmas Carols, watched the Thanksgiving parade on TV and counted my blessings. Obviously the singing or counting annoyed old Murph.

I did not have a Plan B for the hen but with few (no) options left I decided to put him in the crockpot and see what happened. Take note here! A seven pound hen forced into a slow cooker is never I repeat never a good idea. The legs kept popping up and he kept trying to turn sides ways which was ridiculous because he could not move in any direction.

The yeast rolls that I had looked forward to for days burned in the toaster oven while I wrestled with that hen. I spent a great deal of time trying to carve some breast meat all the while keeping the hen in the cooker. It was just stupidity that kept me from realizing that the dang hen was upside down and I was trying to carve the back. I had purposefully put it in that way to insure the breast meat would cook through. Once I got that hen onto a platter and carved enough meat for dinner I was so over Thanksgiving. There was no cake, no rolls and for all intents and purposes, no meat.

But wait there is more. Before dinner while trying to prepare a ham sandwich for lunch I grabbed the jar of mayo from the fridge. The lid had not been put back on properly(nobody confessed to this) and I dropped the mayo which splattered over a six foot wide radius hitting cabinets, floors, walls, the fridge and me.

I should have stopped at this moment and gone back to bed maybe starting over nearer to Christmas, the season of miracles! But I am not a quitter, a whiner perhaps, but no quitter. Although the possibly was a bit intriguing at that moment.

As sad as this story has been so far it is not over. No bless gussy, the heat pump went out that very night. Thanks Murphy. No oven no heat. I have to come up with a way to get Murphy out of my house while I still have a dollar and any modicum of sanity left.

Dear Don has suggested glue traps and crackers but you know he didn’t have such great success with that plan in his shop. Any and all suggestions will be welcomed.

Stay tuned.

Sherry Hopkins can be reached at swhcsc@wildblue.net