When we got all that weather last week, I knew that those torrential rains were bound to bring the Coldwater up sharply and stir up all them ol’ flathead catfish. I grew fidgety and broke a sweat every time I saw a boat. Found myself staring at the goldfish bowl in a stupor.
I had recurrent  nightmares about Jonah and the Whale and vampire minnows. I watched Moby Dick 11 times in a row. I finally went to old Doc Sanders who referred me to Mettetal Family Medicine in Sardis for diagnosis, where my suspicions were confirmed.

Yes children, it was the dreaded recurrent version of the fishing pox, Pisces Delirium. Most sufferers of this disease contract it as children. It may be genetic. It seems to be more prevalent in families who spend a  lot of time in boats and on docks and who manipulate cane poles and spinning reels on lakes and rivers and even canal ditches.

The poor victim never seems to notice he is ill. His family usually suffers more than he does as the disease progresses.

Although there is no known cure, there are tell-tale symptoms that reflect the onslaught of the virus. It usually begins with a late night phone call to his buddies and hours of fondling the tackle box with glazed eyes. He spends a lot of time in the sports department at Wal-Mart and some have gone so far as to write hot checks for trolling motors.

At that point the disease is full blown and terminal. There is absolutely nothing you can do except sign commitment papers or petition his boss to give him a week off so he can go fishing and get it out of his system (note, check out the boss for symptoms, too). If your husband is a carrier the boss has been exposed.

It will be easier to get him to grant him the vacation and will probably want to go also.
To hell with business and commerce, the big flatheads are fighting to see who gets the first shiner and the crappie are spawning in the lake.

After retirement he will go more often whether the fish are biting or not. At this point he’s probably in it for the beer and the sound of flowing water. By this advanced stage of Pisces Delirium, he will probably miss dental appointments and family reunions and has a library of sports magazines and outdoor supply catalogs. Now we’re down to the last option. If you’re lucky, you might catch it too.

Drowning worms,
Ricky Harpole
(Contact Ricky Harpole at www.facebook.com/harpolive or www.colespointrecords.)com)