Politics and religion are two subjects of conversation not allowed at Moccasin Bend, where all the speakers are armed and usually under the influence.

It’s better to keep limit the conversations to who killed the biggest deer last year or kotched the biggest catfish or crawdads (bait you eat if the fish don’t bite).

There is usually a display of war wounds, considerably embellished with lies and explanations of premarital exploits.

I’ve fallen behind on what passes for writing a column due to adverse effects of changes in my medication and it’s been too hot to drink whiskey. My car broke down and somebody stole my dog. My gout came back. It seems that anything so painful could have been given a more respectable name but that’s probably just a form of punishment for telling so many lies in this publication.

After the gout episode I did some research and it seems that along with some rather expensive medication, the disease can be partially controlled by diet (or lack thereof).

For instance, about the only things that are not on the contraband list are cornbread and muddy water from a flume ditch in Arkansas.

What really ticks me off is I can drink brown water but not brown whiskey.

This, needless to say, has affected the quality of my work, not to mention my lifestyle.

Hobbling away,
Ricky Harpole