Harpole goes off on everything from cottonmouths to beloved president

Once upon a time a syndrome discovered called by medicine show men, witch doctors and other practitioners of medical hob nob —irritation.

They all seem to have different opinions on the cause of the illness and the long term effects of the “pschycie” of the few human brains that occupy a human skull that for some as yet undetermined reason function reasonably well about 18% of the time.

That seems to be considered normal. That seems to be considered normal. That seems to indicate that 82% of society in general is at least as nutty as a Payday candy bar.

There are, in my opinion, several degrees of the disease. Age and health and ex-wives as well as prospective ex-wives play on important part in the severity of the symptoms.

For instance: things that used to cause a mild form of irritation that I could laugh about after a few days will stick like a tick for a month. It affects my vocabulary.

I appreciate the value of a few good cuss words when the current situations call for em, but it seems like too common situations of irritation push me to the point of severe aggravation and that is a worse and more dangerous condition than irritation, which eventually leads to a bi-polarism a term that was coined to be more acceptable than “crazy as a Betsy Bug to the families of the afflicted.

The term manic depressive as a diagnosis would scare the hell out of everybody and the live stock too. I expect I rate about 82 an a quarter percent which would indicate that I’m not the Payday Candy bar level but more like an Almond Joy which is less nutty but a different species of nut. Please don’t hold me to these diagnoses since I’m only allowed to deliver opinions which could cause by bias a procedure which I’ll freely admit to, as long as they pertain to barn rats, inept practitioners of makers of moonshine whiskey, ticks, chiggers and fleas, lawyers, insurance companies, as liars, thieves and other bloodsuckers. (Did I leave out banks?).

Moccasins, copperheads, and diamond back rattle snakes don’t even make the list by comparison. If they were lawyers they could only compare to defense cases or lawsuits which only boost the cost of insurance companies who pay out more money per annum or entertaining t.v. commercials than they do on legitimate claims.

They are prevaricators and uncommonly successfully with the same blood type as an irritated skunk and the general morals of a wolverine with a migraine headache. Now I may be in violation of medical codes but none the less I’m gonna write y’all a prescription for an 88 1/4% prescription cure:

If you suffer from the afore mentioned afflictions or inclinations and have an unusual predisposition for high proof alcohol, reduce your intake and hire a hungry disbarred ex lawyer to observe your progress. If you are a teetotaler with similar afflictions, I recommend you self administer at least eight ounces of firefly 100.7 proof moonshine whiskey and if no results are coming up within a 48 hour time period, quadruple the dosage and avoid salt in your diet unless it involves Smirnoff Vodka (known by consumers and purveyors as a medical concoction available at any self deprecating bar as a “Salty Dog”).

If you have a pre-existing heart condition do not attempt any of the above recommendations.
As the American Medical Association has not and will not recognize my cures because they are in cahoots with and closet bed buddies, with the accursed insurance companies, who according to reliable associates are writing a contract for a fire insurance policy with the devil’s wife.

While I’m in a whiny mood I will criticize our president for trying to influence public opinion on the boob tube by making statements on the Zimmerman trial by inferring that a sworn jury who saw all the evidence documented (and on film) made the wrong decision.

That appears to be an attempt to undermine the constitution as well as to promote racial disturbance. It would seem that he could be doing something about this war we’re knee deep to a giraffe in and promote peace and harmony in a foreign country where our young men are dying instead of stirring up racial issues.

I don’t recall any such shenanigans when a former football star was acquitted of a double murder that a blind referee could have been through. In my opinion he is a silver tongued hypocrite. This is the sort of male cow manure that I would have shrugged off and not given much thought about 25 or 30 years ago but now brings me to the brink of irritation. We hired the man to make improvements, not to stir feces with a boat paddle in the rose garden and make us, as an undivided nation, have to smell it.

A lame duck president is as dangerous to the nation as room full of rockin chairs to a long tail cat.

And while I’ve been de-irritating myself  with my opinions, the toilet has backed up again.
Now I’m irritated again, but at least this problem is one I can fix and flush.
Waiting for the gestapo,
Ricky Harpole

P.S.  My opinion and irritations do not reflect or cohere with these of the Panolian necessarily. And try to remember the old adage “A donkey still a jackass no matter how many times you trim his ears.”