Dodge City, Miss.

“Let us return then, to those thrilling days of yesteryear…”

—Beginning of every episode of “The Lone  Ranger” TV series.

ROLLING FORK—In the immortal words of John Fogherty, “I see a bad moon a’risin’. I see trouble on the way.”

I’m thinking, come the first of next month, that all the hospital emergency rooms in this state better beef up their staffing, because they are apt to get a good deal busier and law enforcement agencies might ought to put a psychologist on retainer. But, perhaps I am being hasty in my judgment. You, gentle reader, can be the judge.

Thanks to the collective wisdom of the Mississippi Legislature, an august body if ever there were such, every Mississippian, regardless of race, creed or emotional stability, will be able to drink their morning coffee or Colt 45, whatever  the case might be, load up their six-shooters, strap on their holsters and head out to interact with their fellow citizens.

Wild West, here we come. What could possibly go wrong?

Thanks to House Bill 2, ostensibly authored and passed to “clarify” what the seemingly crystal clear word “concealed” (as in hidden, out of view) means, folks in this state, beginning July 1, can openly carry around their firearms of choice—either in a holster or strapped over their shoulders—without the first question being asked.

Wives, take heed: In addition to straightening  your husband’s tie or checking to see if his shoes are tied, you will now need to ask him if he’d like his Glock or his AR-15 today.

One has to admit that the logic behind this is impressive. You see, in Mississippi, if you want to carry a “concealed weapon”—pistol in your pants or purse, etc.—then you have to apply for a permit and presumably go through at least a perfunctory background check to make sure that you are not a serial killer or a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. However, if you just want to slap that baby in a holster and strap her on, no such silly old permit is required.

“Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges…” (Sorry, but everything about this just conjures up “Blazing Saddles” images for me.)

Mercifully, Attorney General Hedley LaMarr (sorry again)….Attorney General Jim Hood issued an opinion Thursday saying that the new law does have limits and that guns can still be prohibited on private property (although that’s still a bit vague) and courthouses and are flatly forbidden at schools. He also said the law is “clear as mud” and “poorly written,” a self-evident truth, which, of course, in no way dissuaded either the legislators who voted for it or the governor who signed it into law.

One is tempted, of course, to suggest that all these folks who will now be openly packing iron will mark some sort of statewide return to Dodge City for Mississippi—“Mr. Dillon, Mr. Dillon, there’s trouble down at the Long Branch,” but I can see at least one significant difference. Most of the cowpokes and  gunslingers of those days actually knew how to use their Winchesters and Colt .44’s—could actually hit what they were aiming at. Armed amateurs these days, not so much.

Maybe next year our legislative geniuses in Jackson will follow this lead and bring back another bygone element that’s surely missed—duels. That way we can have gunfights in the street, just like the good ole days.

Think I’ll get to practicing my quick draw.
Award-winning writer Ray Mosby is the editor of the Deer Creek Pilot.