“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”
~ Jack Kerouac

Trouble looms. Out come more scientific studies that make it easier for me to be a slob. Why do they do this? Why do reputable research scientists study slobby topics, period? What devious brains do they possess, knowing they’re simply providing those of us with little will power lots and lots of excuses? Consider:

LATEST ON CHOCOLATE:  Dark chocolate is in the news again, its antioxidants touted to be helpful in lowering blood pressure and cholesterol, stimulating endorphin production and providing serotonin. Endorphins and serotonin act as antidepressants, which is why we all feel happy and snappy after a good hunk of chocolate.

And more good news: Only 1/3 of the fat in dark chocolate is bad for you. I guess all this comforting data doesn’t compute if we eat the whole box, but even permission to down a small candy bar is good news. Better stock up on the bon bons before the next research study says this is a bunch of malarkey.

LATEST ON VITAMINS AND EXERCISE:  A recent article in the New York Times says taking Vitamins C and E for their antioxidant benefits seems to interfere with the positive results of exercise. One of the research study’s authors, Michael Ristow, says, “The effect of [the antioxidant] vitamins on exercise and glucose metabolism is really quite significant.” We need those vitamins, don’t we? And swallowing a vitamin is definitely easier than walking 5 miles. Anybody call this a difficult choice?

LATEST ON COFFEE: Guess what? Poor, maligned coffee is also getting some good press. Nutrition Reviews reported months ago that coffee drinkers seem to have a lower risk for type 2 diabetes. Then the American Journal of Epidemiology said cancers of the mouth, throat and esophagus appear to be less with coffee drinkers. The Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease, Jan. 2009, says, according to a study done on a large group of enthusiastic Finns, moderate consumption of coffee makes one less likely to suffer with Alzheimer’s.

This was followed by an April, 2009, study published in the International Journal of Cancer that said colon, liver and endometrium cancer also seem to be less frequent in those who drink a cuppa two. No longer will I feel guilty about my one or two mugs of java in the mornings.

LATEST ON SLEEP: Hubby G-Man says one of these days I’ll be the most content patient of all in my cozy nursing home because I’ll be able to sleep like a baby. I’ve long been an advocate of plenty of sleep – don’t deny me my 8 hours (or 9). Researcher Lisa Rafalson at the University of Buffalo, insists her work points out the “growing evidence of the association of inadequate sleep with adverse health issues,” like obesity, depression, high blood pressure, infections, heart disease, stroke, cancer . . . and the list goes on. So there, G-Man. How ‘bout getting on your tiptoes in the morning?

LATEST ON DIETING: We all know this, but a June, 2009, release from The U. S. National Task Force on the Prevention and Treatment of Obesity shakes a finger once again at yoyo dieting. Fast weight loss that involves “bouts of starvation, skipping meals or very low calorie intake” is not healthy and lowers your metabolism so that no further weight loss will result. Muscle mass is reduced and, almost without fail, the weight will return.

The Task Forces warns: “Yoyo dieting is associated with an increased risk of high blood pressure, high cholesterol and gallbladder disease. It can, literally, kill you.” Wooo. None of that drastic stuff for me – I’ll lose my excess slowly. Anyway, another recent study says slightly plump people live longer than skinny folks. Pass the cornbread.

As if all of the above doesn’t provide me with enough excuses for a slovenly existence, the current issue of Psychological Science tells us that Yale University psychologist Joshua Ackerman and colleagues have decided it’s just human nature to be out of control. Bet that took a lot of figuring.

Sayonara. I’m off to research the benefits of French fries . . .

(Write: bethjacks@hotmail.com )